Positive Thinking

Brad called me today and told me that one of their receptionists had just lost her baby, at 9 months. Something happened during labor and the baby was stillborn, most likely due to a cord incident. I know this girl, Megan, from my visits to his office and holiday parties.  This would have been her second baby.  I feel so sad for her, and at the same time am now worrying about my own baby.  I also feel like there have been way too many tragedies for people in Brad's office...from our good friends Terry and Susannah losing their first baby Matthew at just a few months old, to another partner's first child being born with severe developmental delay, and several other people losing children or loved ones in horrible accidents. I'm trying very much not to think about it right now but it really is difficult, thinking of all of the things that can go wrong and facing the fear of losing your baby. One of Brad's good friends from medical school lost a baby a few years ago at 38 weeks gestation to cord death. And at the same time, most everyone else we know has had healthy babies and their children continue to grow big and strong. Brad did remind me later today of all of the normal pregnancies and deliveries that we knew about, and that the majority of babies are born healthy and remain healthy. I realize that I must have faith and trust in God that things will be okay. So that is what I am focusing on, and I'm trying not to think about all of the sad stories I've heard and the tragedies that are possible. I really do not consider myself a huge worrier, normally. But it seems like you get past one fear, like risk of miscarriage, and another one pops up! And I think to myself, once baby comes, there are a whole new set of fears! I'm trying to figure out how to process all of those fears and not let them consume me. So far, I'm doing okay and am just happy to know that there is a little guy inside of me who is moving around all the time and letting me know he's okay.